Expats@Work

Addicted to silence – the best thing ever happened to me.

Eva — Mon, 07 May 2012 11:40:35 +0000

My parents ran a hotel in the lovely hills of the Bavarian Woods. Besides all the guests and the farm animals, I grew up with one sister and four brothers, so I can’t remember that I was alone very often. Looking back, I loved being around so many people all the time! Never a dull moment! What I also remember – I loved to listen to music all day long. First thing in the morning I’d turn on the radio.

I vaguely remember that I was afraid of the darkness, afraid of silence and being alone, especially when I felt a bit unhappy. It was a nightmare to me to be alone and hear all those nasty voices in my head. (What would other people think of me? | What if I loose control? | What if I fail?) It was much easier to listen to something external (as opposed to “internal”). This is normal when you are young with a lot of ambitions, with a whole future to think about and a happy disposition.

The moment the more serious stuff, like say a divorce, burn-out or even that out-of-the-blue midlife crisis, came into my life, I realized it was time to change. Panic attacks and hyperventilation really forced me to sit down and deal with all the troubles and my internal fears, my limiting beliefs.

It was a very frightening and difficult time to change from “outside-in” to “inside-out”, but in hindsight it was something that came along at the right time in my life. Without this kind of painful experience there is little or no personal growth and I would not have found my authentic “self”. Overcoming my limiting beliefs was tough! I felt like learning a new sport or handicraft, but there was no other option for me if I wanted to find and implement long-lasting, fulfilling changes in my life.

As mentioned above, I’m addicted to silence and I don’t want to be treated for that. Sitting in silence and just listing to what my inner me has to tell me, gives me many new ideas and insightful guidance in my life and career. How to integrate silence in to your day-to-day life? Be mindful and “in the moment” as often as possible. Watch your breathing, when you are:

Taking a shower |Drinking a cup of coffee/thee |Sitting in the train/car/bike |Eating |Doing what ever you do. Sit down each day for 10 minutes and do nothing. Listen inside yourself and check what’s going on. Try to do this exercise a bit longer each week.

Although not exactly meditation – yoga, Pilates classes and being outdoor in nature, walking, biking and/or running… all these things… all cost more time perhaps, but are all very effective in helping you find your inner peace.

Let’s talk about culture shock…..

Eva — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 15:26:12 +0000

You have relocated to a new country and, all of a sudden, it’s like everyone is constantly comparing things and listing all the differences and changes to their lives – not to mention the real culture shock you are faced with. Everyone advises everyone else to learn as much as can be learned about the Dutch/French/Germans or whichever ‘exotic’ culture you are faced with – their customs, inclinations and all those weird things they tend to do ‘over there’.

You are advised from all corners on what you should know about ‘the others’ and how best to integrate when abroad. In denial of your own feelings, you adjust, and before you know it you become a different person, not really you. You end up feeling more and more unhappy, lonely and homesick.

Having personally ‘relocated’ to 5 different countries, I am speaking from personal experience when I dare ask…Is it a ‘shock’ because of all the new faces, all their new customs, or is it more because you are confronted with your own limitations, with no social and professional network around you (as you would have ‘back home’)? And who IS this person in the mirror – no job, no family or friends around? You suddenly realize that you are incapacitated by not knowing yourself well enough… not knowing who you are. You don’t really know what you want in your life, or in your career and you feel you don’t even know what you have to offer a future employer. Not speaking the lingo and not knowing the local job market is a huge handicap too. Why exactly would anyone hire you!?

Life and Career Orientation helps you find the answers to all the questions that arise in just such a situation. It helps you to ‘find’ yourself, teaches you how to be the authentic, mindful you and teaches you how best to integrate, wherever you land. Life and Career Orientation is a worthwhile investment of your time and money.

How to get the most out of your (new) job?

Eva — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:30:35 +0000

Life as an expat offers many exciting opportunities. You can meet new people, develop your international career and get to know The Netherlands and all it has to offer. The downside is that you also have to deal with friends and family being far away and getting used to a different (work) culture. And if you or your family isn’t happy it has a huge impact on your working day. To find your way in your new job abroad all by yourself is time-consuming and can be very frustrating.

Coaching helps you to increase:

Your performance in your working environment
The well-being of you and your family

My coaching will be focused on:

How to speed up my performance in my new job?
What are the objectives of my new job?
What do I need to achieve my goals?
How to deal with international colleagues and cross-cultural differences?
How to be myself in an environment that is culturally different?
How to achieve a better (expat) work/life balance?
Ways to be more self-supportive and satisfied at work.
How to cope with friends and family being far away?
Redundancy support: help, my employer terminated my contract. How can I find a new job?
Meeting other expat challenges.

Should I stay or should I go?

Eva — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:21:13 +0000

Years ago you moved to Holland… “Just for a couple of years or maybe forever” you thought at the time. Now you find yourself (still) living and working here, but the big question keeps coming back: “Should I stay or should I go?”

This question generates even more difficult ones – perhaps a lot of confusion and stress too. Perhaps you just have a general feeling of being in limbo and not knowing what to do, not seeing the future clearly.

They say “Home is where the heart is” – but where is mine?
I tried to integrate here – Why do I still feel like an outsider?
I still miss home!
I feel nostalgic and think “those were the days?” but I’m not sure if I’m nostalgic for my youth or for the location.

In between two countries. Many expats deal with these kind of situations and have mixed feelings about whether or not they “belong”. What would be better for your career and what do you personally, really want? Sometimes you just don’t know and you feel like you are going mad.

With my experience as career coach and as an emigrant and former partner of an expat I can help you see your questions and doubts from different angles: professionally, realistically and emotionally.

My expertise will help you discover what is right for you, and make sense of personal factors that seem to confuse and overwhelm you. I will help you address these crucial matters honestly and practically.

New way of integration

Eva — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 09:36:29 +0000

Integration – What we can learn from animals

I am just back from 5 weeks in Bavaria, getting to know our new holiday home in the hilly countryside of the Bavarian Woods. We bought the house back in the Spring, spent 4 weeks there in the Summer and now it was time to spend some time gardening. The Winters there can have a lot of snow so we prepared the beautiful flowers and trees for the cold to come. We made them ready to hibernate, like a lot of animals do.

Talking about animals; we started out with 2 kittens, 3 chickens and a yellow Labrador. Their first week together – one house, one garden – they fought continuously, hiding from each other one minute, then jumping out at each other the next. Several times a day it was the same story – manners were non-existent, they’d be screaming at each other and making up their own rules. However, as time passed, they stayed around each other more, became more accepting of one another and by the end of the week they got along just fine. That might well be the best (if hardest) way to integrate; first, make your stand, from your point of view. Then, be clear, aggressive even (and egotistic) and at your own speed, accept the others and be accepted by them. Once you are that far, then no arguments or fights anymore – just getting along with one another and living happily ever after. No culture shock at all.

Wouldn’t it be great if any time new folks appeared, after an initial short run-in with the locals – perhaps a bit of shouting and screaming, why not? – then… everybody just gets along with everybody else? Imagine how lovely that would be!

Help – a confused multilingual talent

Eva — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 09:11:08 +0000

Languages: German, Dutch, English, French, Italian AND European?

Nationality: German, Dutch and/or European?

Being globally minded, I have lived and worked in 5 countries. I met new people, tried to find (voluntary) work, and studied the language of my host country of the time. I covered more or less all levels: native speaker/mother tongue/fluent/advanced/basic/supported by hands & feet/non verbal.

To be honest I am not fluent in, nor do I master for 100%, any of these 5 languages I speak – not even my mother-tongue any more. In the beginning I didn’t dare to commit myself sufficiently. I was shy and defensive. I was embarrassed, even with people who spoke no other language and/or had never been abroad other than for their Summer holidays on a typical Dutch/German/EU/US camp site J.

Now? Well I’m proud of speaking these languages in my own Eva-way. It’s a mixture of all the languages with a personal touch. Perhaps I’m a pioneer, developing a common European language, who knows!

Vocabulary, grammar, ‘sayings’ are (and were) the easiest things to learn. If you have enough time to practice and if you dare to speak and make mistakes. The biggest problem for me is the rules for punctuation – in any language. Where to put all those punctuation marks, and when, in which language! I totally ‘lost it’ and developed my own ‘European’ punctuation rules. Whenever it feels good I choose a punctuation symbol – no consistency or correctness at all. Sorry, dear native speaker, I don’t wish to hurt you! It’s just that I ‘couldn’t see the wood for the trees’ and it takes a lot of time and effort to learn to use the right punctuation marks/’leestekens’.

I realize that, as I write, there are more important issues going on in Europe but, maybe some day, some how, we could work on a simplified European punctuation system J. That would help a lot.

Do you recognise yourself in the above? Please let me know how you deal with multilingual & punctuation confusions. Any tips & tricks are welcome.

Now I’m settled, what about my career?

Eva — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 10:59:39 +0000

How do I find a job? What is my purpose in (expat) life? How do I find inspiration and satisfaction during my life in Holland? What are my drives, beliefs, needs and priorities? How do I deal with loneliness and feeling homesick?

Since first arriving in The Netherlands, things have been more difficult that you expected. As a partner to an expat it is more than likely that you have been faced with lots of every-day challenges. You have survived the ups and downs of settling in and you can be proud that you finally know your way around and your daily life has at last begun to feel normal. It is about now that another important question comes up:

WHAT ABOUT MY CAREER and MY PURPOSE IN (EXPAT) LIFE?

As an accompanying partner, you are dealing with a lot of changes in many areas of your life. Perhaps you feel you have lost your professional identity, something that is very important to you. Until now, your profession was perhaps a huge part of your purpose in life and consumed much of your time and energy.

You are not alone.With the help of a professional career coach you will find your identity again. It is worth the investment in time and money.

Are you a good listener?

Eva — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 11:30:29 +0000

When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some people. Because God is mute and He doesn’t offer advice or try to fix things. He just listens and trusts you to work it out for yourself.

So please, just listen and hear me. And if you want to talk, Wait a few minutes for your turn and I promise I’ll listen to you.

Source type: Book |Loving Each Other by Leo Buscaglia

What are you doing right now to change your life?

Eva — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 10:37:16 +0000

Saul Fleischman said, in an interview with John Falchetto “Even a rainy day can be fun”.

I fully agree with him.

It’s about how you look at things. You are responsible for how you perceive them. Focus on those things you can do something about. It is often easier to complain, be cranky and appear frustrated. From personal experience I know that once in a while it just feels good to be grumpy and angry. But in the long run, it doesn’t help you, nor those around you.

Be proactive! Consider what you could be doing to change certain circumstances and feel much better about yourself immediately. The feeling will last for ever. Be the initiator, not the victim and I promise you, your strength and inspiration will continue to grow. You need some quiet time to do this, as well as the courage to be quiet, persistency and faith in yourself, and trust the outcome – that everything happens, when it happens.

We all aspire to be happy, healthy and wealthy some day in the future but

ONE key question remains: What are you doing during that time of waiting and hoping????

So, let me know what are you doing right now to change your life?

Have a happy and inspiring start to the week.

PS: for more information regarding the “circle of influence”: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey

Everyone is unique for 99%

Peter Arends — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 07:54:19 +0000

Your childhood, your cultural background, education, working experiences make who you are. And for your personal and career development that’s pretty convenient to know.

Through my work as a career coach I work with a lot of different people, from all over the world. Each of them is unique and all of them have to offer a lot to their families, friends and to future employers and clients.

Still, working with all these global minds made me realize that all of them have in common their restricted beliefs, which holding each of them back in their personal development. And that’s so pity, because isn’t it such a waste of time, talent and fulfillment?

What are so called “Core beliefs?” = the very essence of how we see ourselves, other people, the world, and the future. Core beliefs develop over time, usually from childhood and through the experience of significant life events or particular life circumstances. Core beliefs are strongly-held, rigid, and inflexible beliefs that are maintained by the tendency to focus on information that supports the belief and ignoring evidence that contradicts it.

Restricted beliefs like

I’ll fail
What do others think of me
I’m too xyz
Others do a better job
Others know what they want
I’m not worth it

hold you back in making changes and choices in your personal life and in your career. I learn my clients how to transform these limiting beliefs into positive affirmations and make everyone unique for 100% inspiration, motivation & happiness. Want to know how, please contact me at www.expatsatwork.com